


I Need You (To Know I'm Alright)

by Aiwyn



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: Drunk Sex, Light Angst, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 19:30:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5677924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aiwyn/pseuds/Aiwyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel-ish thing to You Say You Never Wanna Be Saved</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This took forever... I actually wrote this last summer and then rewrote it for Christmas and now it's here. I sincerely apologize it took me this long, I got kind of carried away with other fandoms and school and life.

He had been sitting on the edge of his for hours. Time was nothing more than a blur, and the clock on the wall was mindlessly ticking to the beat of someone else’s heart. It was probably dark outside by now but with the curtains closed, he couldn’t tell. The gun in Joseph’s hands wasn’t cold anymore, it had absorbed all the warmth from his hands. His hands… Surprisingly, they weren’t shaking. Whether or not it was a good thing, he didn’t know, but at least his aim would be sure. It would be disappointing to miss at such a distance. The last thought startled a laugh from Joseph. Nothing about the situation actually was funny, and yet he was highly amused. He was definitely a little drunk but maybe he had lost his mind completely… It felt possible. Maybe pulling the trigger was the only choice he had.

But he was weak. Even with his “liquid courage”, the armed gun was still in his hands and he was still breathing, living. Despite having tried so many times he’d lost count, Joseph couldn’t pull the trigger, couldn’t go through with his plan. A voice in his head told him, for the thousandth time, that having the thought of suicide in the first place was a weakness, but he couldn’t know for sure anymore. It was too much of a mess.

Joseph took off his glasses, putting them down on the bed before he ran a hand across his face and rubbed his temples. The only thing stopping him from firing the gun was himself, nothing else. He had no one left there, no one would miss him that much. Except maybe… Sebastian. But no. That path had been taken only to notice it was the wrong choice, the wrong way. Turning back to run the wrong way felt it even stupider than blowing his brains out.

He lifted the gun up to his temple, pressing the metal up against his skin. There was a vanishingly small chance that he wouldn’t die by aiming the gun to the side of his head but putting it in his mouth felt wrong and besides, metal tasted bad. Cutting open his wrists would take too long, even if the shock would remove most if not all of the pain. Both of the ways were too messy for his liking but Joseph had seen too many failed attempts of suicide by hanging to do it.

Joseph squeezed the hilt of the gun tightly, knuckles white and hands too steady, like he was used to this already. He placed his finger on the trigger and…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the first chapter is actually just a prologue and this is the fic itself.

Today, luckily, it wasn’t raining when their shift ended. Had it been any other day, Joseph would have waited outside with Sebastian while he smoked a single cigarette to calm his nerves, like he said. After that they would get into Sebastian’s car and Sebastian would drive Joseph home and promise to pick him up again in the morning. Sometimes Joseph would insist it wasn’t necessary but Sebastian always told him to shut up. But last night, Sebastian had kissed Joseph, and that was not normal in his books. Today wasn’t normal. Joseph’s mind kept replaying last night’s events over and over again, and it was like everything was about _him._ Sebastian, Sebastian, Sebastian… Joseph’s shoes were muddy from last night, his head was more of a mess than usually and by the end of the way, he just wanted to go home. Without Sebastian.

Sebastian didn’t bother to offer Joseph a ride home. It had become part of a routine, part of their lives.

“I’ll walk home”, Joseph said as they stepped outside together, Sebastian holding the door open for Joseph. He nodded silently as he lit a cigarette and leaned against the wall of the office.

“You sure?” he asked purely out of politeness. Joseph pretended to think about while Sebastian smoked.

“Yeah.”

There was no hesitation in his voice when he finally spoke. Sebastian shrugged, as if this wasn’t a big deal. Maybe it wasn’t, and Joseph was just overthinking it all. Maybe a little time and space was all they needed to fix whatever was wrong, to make everything normal again. In Joseph’s ears, the word sounded odd. _Normal._ As if their relationship could ever be normal again.

Finally Joseph turned his back to Sebastian and started walking. He took one step at a time, focusing too hard on maintaining a normal pace. He wasn’t running away from Sebastian, he was merely leaving work. There was nothing to run from and nowhere to run to, so Joseph did his best to ignore his instinct to run. He knew it was wrong. Behind him, Sebastian threw his cigarette butt to the ashtray near his feet and then walked to his car. Soon after that he drove past Joseph and neither of them did anything to acknowledge the other.

“Did he ditch you?” a colleague asked with an amused tone. Stopping in his tracks, Joseph turned to face the man.

“No. We just have different destinations”, he replied, sounding a lot more defensive than he had meant to. He had, of course, noticed that some of their fellow officers had their own thoughts about his and Sebastian’s relationship. He could notice how their colleagues smiled at each other knowingly whenever Sebastian stood too close him. Considering it was only a joke, it bothered Joseph a little too much.

“Yeah okay, didn’t mean to offend you”, the man replied as he raised his arms in surrender. Joseph couldn’t, for the life of him, remember the man’s name. The face was similar but so was every other person he walked into, maybe his forgetfulness was acceptable.

“No, it’s… Sorry I snapped at you, it was uncalled for”, Joseph quickly said. His words were met with a shrug and a _see you tomorrow_ as the guy headed for his car. Joseph murmured a response and put his hands into the pockets of the coat he was wearing. The trench coat. _Sebastian’s coat._ Because his own coat was thrown over a chair in his apartment and he hadn’t been home yet. This wasn’t the first time he had borrowed Sebastian’s coat, surely it wasn’t a big deal. He could give it back tomorrow. Tomorrow would be different.

He continued walking forward. The urge to run wasn’t there anymore, or if it was, it wasn’t nearly as strong as it had been before. The city around him continued living like it had always done. The big picture, the façade, would never crumble and fall just because a detective was losing it. Joseph would, eventually. All he needed to do was hide it from the entire world. Seeing as it hadn’t gone all too well with Sebastian, it possibly could not go well with anyone else.

Joseph was too focused in his thoughts to watch where he was going and he ended up bumping into a young woman with long, red hair and a black coat. She blushed a little and smiled nervously at Joseph as she apologized. Joseph shook his head a little, _it’s nothing, no need to apologize._ He took a few more steps before the lady called out for him.

“Excuse me, mister. I’m Antonia”, she said. Her voice was pleasant but nothing special. Joseph wouldn’t remember it tomorrow.

“I’m Joseph”, he offered and shook Antonia’s hand. Before the moment could get awkward, Antonia wrote her number on a piece of paper and gave it to Joseph with a smile and a suggestion of a date. Any other time, any other day, Joseph would have accepted the offer with genuine pleasure. Now he just smiled and nodded, showing the paper into the coat’s pocket. He wished her a good day and with her thanks, they both continued walking to the direction they had been going at originally. Joseph was fairly sure he wouldn’t call the poor girl.

 

Sebastian got all the way home before he realized he didn’t have his coat. It took him another two hours before he ran out of cigarettes and remembered his other pack was in the pocket of his coat. Which he didn’t have. So, in conclusion, Sebastian didn’t have any cigarettes left and in order to get more, he would have to go out. The idea didn’t sound tempting. He could dull the need for nicotine with alcohol. That probably wouldn’t work, but Sebastian needed a drink anyways.

He went to the kitchen and grabbed a glass, pouring himself a drink. After some thinking, he took the entire bottle of whiskey with him to the living room. Sebastian kicked off his shoes before sitting down and lifting his legs to the coffee table. He found that his glass was empty, so he filled it again and put the bottle down next to him. It was leaning against his thigh, but on the off chance it would fall over, the cork was shut tight. One would hate to spill and waste such good alcohol.

As he had known beforehand, drinking didn’t solve his problems but it could make him forget or at least ignore them. He didn’t need to think about the next day because everything was fine for now. However, after the fifth or sixth glass, he started thinking about Joseph. He told himself it was because he really needed a smoke but even when that indeed was the case, he wanted to see Joseph and talk to him, maybe continue where they’d left off the night before. He now had an excuse but he wasn’t sure if it was a good idea.

The idea sounded absolutely wonderful after a few more drinks.

 

Joseph squeezed the hilt of the gun tightly, knuckles white and hands too steady, like he was used to this already. He placed his finger on the trigger and…

Someone banged on the door. Joseph sat frozen on his bed and thought that if he stayed really, really quiet, no one would know he was home and whoever was at the door would eventually walk away. That’s what normal people did. All Joseph needed to do was wait.

“Joseph! C’mon, I know you’re home, open the door!”

The voice was muffled by all the walls between them, but Joseph still recognized it as Sebastian. He hesitated but eventually he took his glasses and walked through his slightly unorganized apartment to the front door. His hand was on the doorknob before he realized the gun was still in his hand. He put it down to the small table he kept near the door for his keys and gloves. After that he opened the door a little and frowned as he ran his eyes over Sebastian.

“Are you drunk?” Joseph asked. Sebastian shrugged but didn’t deny anything as it was pretty obvious. Joseph could smell the alcohol as Sebastian looked him up and down.

“Did you drive here?” Joseph asked at the same time as Sebastian said: “You’re drunk, too.”

They remained like that for a while, Sebastian in the hallway of the apartment building and Joseph in between the door and the wall, as Joseph tried to decide if he was going to let Sebastian in or not. He couldn’t exactly leave him in the hallway since he was drunk and might cause more noise and annoy the neighbours so Joseph let him in. Even if that meant awkward conversations and uncomfortable moments.

Joseph opened the door entirely and tried to step out of the way but Sebastian felt it was absolutely necessary to brush his palm over Joseph’s crotch. Joseph did his best to not pay attention to it. A touchy-feely drunk Sebastian wasn’t something he wanted around. A simply drunk Sebastian was easier to deal with.

“Why are you here?” Joseph asked to break the silence.

“Because…” _I missed you and want to kiss you and maybe fuck you if we have time_ “because you have my coat and my cigarettes are there.”

He accepted the reason even though he had his doubts. Why didn’t Sebastian call? Why didn’t he just buy another pack? It wasn’t like he was emotionally attached to his precious cigarettes. But he didn’t want to fight with Sebastian anymore so he just looked around for the coat to point Sebastian to it so that he could leave.

“Joseph.”

And suddenly, Sebastian was right there, right in front of him. He was so close all of Joseph’s senses were filled with Sebastian; his scent, his voice, his looks, him.

“You’re drunk”, Joseph tried to resist as Sebastian grabbed Joseph’s hand and lifted it up to his lips, kissing his fingertips.

“Only a little”, Sebastian replied. He didn’t care. Joseph did, he didn’t want to be a one night stand Sebastian would regret later. He ducked his head when Sebastian put a hand behind his neck and refused to look up when Sebastian called his name. Joseph expected Sebastian to give up, to let it be, but apparently he was hell-bent on ruining their friendship. He tilted Joseph’s head up and crashed their mouths together with little grace, somehow managing to not collide his teeth with Joseph’s. Sebastian tasted like alcohol and there was no trace of the gentleness of last night but Joseph pretended not to mind. He tangled his fingers in Sebastian’s hair and tugged until he tilted his head back with a low groan.

At first Joseph only dropped soft kisses here and there, tracing Sebastian’s jawline down to his neck and feeling the scruff of his beard on his lips. Sebastian was getting impatient and thought about picking Joseph up into his arms and carrying him to the bedroom – or the couch, as that was a lot closer and Sebastian wasn’t entirely sure where the bedroom was. He slipped his hands under Joseph’s shirt, hands moving down to cup his ass just as Joseph’s bit him. Sebastian’s blunt fingernails dug into Joseph’s back as Joseph hissed in pain. Then he continued, sucking the skin in between his teeth and marking Sebastian’s neck.

Joseph let out a small, surprised sound when Sebastian picked him up but soon he got the hang of things and wrapped his legs around Sebastian’s waist. Joseph wasn’t heavy at all but he kept nipping and kissing Sebastian’s neck which proved to be very distracting as Sebastian crashed into the doorframe of the bedroom. But, because of their position, it was Joseph who hit the doorframe. It would probably leave a mark.

“Are you not going to apologize?” Joseph asked before taking advantage of the situation and kissing Sebastian on the mouth. Sebastian supported Joseph against the doorframe and kissed him back, opening his mouth for Joseph’s tongue.

“It was your fault”, Sebastian finally managed to say, his words almost inaudible as he tried to catch his breath. To that, Joseph couldn’t find a reply so instead he kissed Sebastian again. Sebastian adjusted his grip on Joseph and then continued to the bedroom, lowering Joseph onto the bed. He took half a step back to undress himself. First he took off his shoes and in the meanwhile Joseph moved his glasses to safety. Next came off Sebastian’s tie and shirt. He let them fall carelessly to the floor and returned his focus on Joseph, who was still fully clad in his work clothes. He looked a little hesitant and for a moment Sebastian feared he was having second thoughts about the whole thing. Then Joseph sat up and reached his hand towards Sebastian, hooking his fingers to the waistband of Sebastian’s pants. He looked up at the older man with those brown eyes of his and innocently bit his lip. _No regrets_ , Sebastian thought as he pushed Joseph down on his back. He was surprisingly submissive compared to a moment before but Sebastian didn’t mind in the least.

“Move, or we’re both gonna fall of the bed”, he said as he got up to his knees and let Joseph crawl backwards until his head hit the pillows. Sebastian followed him, placing his other knee in between Joseph’s legs and the other next to him. He bent down and kissed him again, one hand next to Joseph’s head for support and the other loosening his tie and opening the buttons of his shirt. After managing to get rid of Joseph’s shirt without tearing the fabric, it was a mess of sloppy kisses, fumbling hands and apparently Joseph kept lube and condoms in the drawer. Sebastian didn’t ask and Joseph didn’t explain. He was too busy biting the pillow instead of his tongue and Sebastian added a third finger.

Sebastian didn’t stop to ask if Joseph was alright but he figured they were a little over the line of asking for feelings and it wasn’t like this was the first time either of them had slept with another man.

Afterwards, after they’d come down from their high and the effect of alcohol had started to wear off, Joseph got them towels to clean themselves up. He collapsed back down to the bed, a dull ache in the back of his skull as Sebastian stiffly got up and started gathering his clothes. Only when he was putting on his shoes, Joseph started questioning him. He wasn’t sure what he had expected from Sebastian but this felt a little…

“Aren’t you gonna stay the night?” Joseph asked, breaking the silence in the room only to cause a more awkward situation as Sebastian stopped and turned to look at him lying on the bed with the blanket covering only his lower half. Joseph was very attractive with a muscular but lithe body but the sight of him wasn’t appealing enough for Sebastian so he just shook his head. Joseph shrugged as much as he could in his position.

“Your coat’s in the living room, take that on your way out.”

Sebastian grabbed his tie and other belongings on his way out, hanging his coat over his arm as he left. He closed the door behind him and stood completely still in the empty hall for a moment, wondering why exactly he had left. He couldn’t go back now and he didn’t do mornings after, this was better. They wouldn’t work anyways, it would compromise their work. Sebastian took out a cigarette and lit it halfway down the stairs, pretty sure he would get scolded by an angry old lady but no one seemed to be awake anymore.

 

The alarm clock woke Joseph up. With a groan, he turned it off but he didn’t get up just yet. A small part of him had hoped Sebastian would have changed his mind and come back, but he couldn’t say he was entirely disappointed to find him still very much gone. He grabbed his glasses and got up, dressing in his usual clothes. Today wasn’t different. As he was waiting for the coffee to be done, Joseph walked over to the trash can and picked up a crumbled piece of paper. He searched for his phone and hesitated for half a moment before dialling the number.

“Hi Antonia. It’s me, Joseph. I was wondering if you’d have time for a small date this afternoon.”

-THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Comments & kudos are always appreciated and while I don't dare to make any promises for the next part, I'll try my best.


End file.
